OH JANUS HELP ME!

New Year. New You. New Me. If all of us did everything that we said we would do at the beginning of every year – New Society. I know that I tend to make some pretty lofty goals that, if ever I was to fully implement, would make me into a pretty fantastic person. Even this year, I had set out to make the minimal amount of goals; goals that were attainable, goals that were semi-part of my life already, like three tops. Yea, that did not happen. I am currently at 16 goals for 2014. Even as I sit here looking at my list five days into the year I cannot think of one that would be acceptable to take off. If I was smart I suppose I would just chuck the whole thing, but there is that little part of me that fully believes that I will of course be able to do all of these things that I have said I will.

         
              Interestingly, the tradition of making lofty goals at the New Year is not a new one. The Babylonians would make promises to the Gods at the beginning of the year (the beginning of their year was apparently in March though) to return borrowed objects and pay their debts. Not having the problem of keeping crap I borrow, I can’t say I relate directly, but to me that sounds a lot like the “I will run everyday” promise I like to make.

            Then Julius Caesar aka Roman Empire changed the beginning of the year to January to get the calendar back in sync with the Sun. This is also when the citizens of Rome would pledge themselves to the Emperor. Fun fact: January is named after the God Janus. Janus is the God of gates, doors, and new beginnings. He is depicted with having two faces because through a gate or door he can look both behind him and in front of him. That is where the new beginning thing comes from, because you have to walk through the door to get to somewhere new. It invites the contemplation that we all seem to go through at this time of year.

         
            Revisiting/ analyzing/ un-healthily listing all the things that we see wrong with ourselves is what the tradition has turned into. Janus was a God to be called upon with the new – everything; new day, new baby, new house, new job. He would bless those who called on him to be prosperous in the new undertaking. I wonder what he would say about the resolutions that we all come up with in our modern world. No longer are we happy with good fortune in the endeavors that come to us naturally. Now we (*cough* myself) go out to that proverbial wheat field that is our selves. We have planted, watered, tilled, and weeded this field all year long. We have taken out the plants that are no good, the ones that were beaten down by the storms; we even took the time to plant some new ones in their place – they are small and just learning how to soak up the sun to make themselves strong, but they are there. We go to our fields and we see the growth and say “NOPE, not good enough!” and some of us take a torch to the wheat and watch the flames take out all the plants that suddenly are not what or how we want to be. We don’t want to be wheat farmers, we want to grow banana trees, or something else that is completely different from what we previously had. To make this happen we throw out a few banana tree seeds and hope they fill up the whole field, only to find in the new year that our field is full of wheat again, that we have loved and cared for after the banana trees failed, and we are okay with that for most of the year.

          
           I think that we have so much potential as human beings. There is not nearly enough emphasis on looking back at the year and seeing all the wonderful things that have helped to form you to be who you are at this moment. I envy those that do not buy into the resolution craze every year. I can’t number myself among them, but I think that shows certain strength of character – at least a happiness with one’s being as is.

         
           For myself, the list of accomplishments is short. I started this year living on a resort ranch in nowhere, Arizona. I completed a “Warrior Dash” race, got into college, made some headway with being sure of my spirituality. I took advantage to go on my first real adventure on my own and out of the country and spent a couple weeks in La Paz and Cabo san Lucas, Mexico on a kayak trip. It was beautiful and I am so glad that I went. I cannot wait to go on another adventure. My summer had me in nowhere, Alaska on a remote fishing resort. I was surprised at the changes I found in myself while I was on that small island. Being there makes me think that sometimes I am supposed to be in certain places at certain times to meet certain people. Then came September, and I moved to Portland, Oregon. Finishing off my year with a sense of rejection and wasted money and effort, and hoping that, in my limited view, I am missing the good this is doing for me. Ending my year on such a depressing note probably has not helped me with my intentions to burn down my own field, but part of me just wants a chance to better plan the planting of the new wheat.

         
           Most of my personal goals for the year consist of exercise and weight loss. A new twist for me is that I am going to be actively pursuing my writing. That means book clubs, writing groups, and, of course, a new blog to document my efforts. It is called Scratches or Scribbles and you can access it on one of the page tabs on the top of this blog.

A whole new year has been opened up to the world to be screwed up and twisted into a confusing ball of ups, downs, victories, depressions, hormones, and probably (for me) a few moves. As I am thinking to myself now how I plan to concur the mountain that is 2014, I am hoping and praying that I will come out the other side without too much scarring, a fertile wheat field, and maybe - if I am lucky - a banana tree or two.

Places I found some of my information:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Year's_resolution
http://billpetro.com/history-of-new-years-resolutions
http://phys.org/news/2013-12-ancient-traditions-year-resolutions.html
http://www.novareinna.com/festive/janus.html

Singularity

A New Year. Usually about this time I am making lists, contemplating the year just ending, and planning out the year to come.

So far.... all of my lists are short ones.

2011: -stayed at a job in a town I should have left for more than a year

-finally moved out of that same town just a couple of months ago

-finished up getting my mission papers put together

2012: -Go on a Mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

- Loose 100 lbs (what can I say... at the moment I am a statistic)

My usual lists are generally several pages in length. I try to be optimistic, but really just end up making myself semi-depressed and semi-overly determined. This has proved to be an unhealthy combination in past years indeed, but it's my hope that that will all change this year.

It helps that the lists were short.

Today I chose to focus instead on the "newness" of it all.

I love the newness of things. It breathes a new spirit into a morning. The possibility of anything and everything (be they good or bad) happening in any year, month, day, hour, minute, or second is addictive. It's like ambrosia.

This year I do not want it to be about what I want to happen, but about being ready for and embracing what does happen.

In the LDS religion one of the things that we believe is that this life is only one part of a larger plan of our Heavenly Father. It is my opinion that one must truly experience this life to truly pass the test.

This life is a singular experience.

Auld Lang Syne

Auld Lang Syne (ôld' lăng zīn', sīn') is a Scottish poem written by Robert Burns in 1788 and set to the tune of a traditional folk song, Roud # 6294.

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old times since ?

For auld lang syne, my dear,

for auld lang syne,

we'll take a cup of kindness yet,

for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup!
And surely I’ll buy mine!
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

And there’s a hand my trusty friend!
And give us a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,

for auld lang syne,

we'll take a cup of kindness yet,

for auld lang syne.

To My Friends!!!

New Year, Semi- New Me

“New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights” -Hamilton Wright Mabie, American writer, 1845-1916

"New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual." -Mark Twain

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I will admit that I am among most people today who are thinking about the new year and all of the changes they plan to implement in it. I escaped it last year, I was recovering from an accident and really was just mad that I couldn't go snowmobiling with my friends as planned. Here I am though, again thinking about all the ways I think that I could become better. There are quite a few of them too. It is amazing how many faults one can find with one's self when I one really thinks about it. I have decided that although I am obviously almost nearly not a human once you look at my list, I need to probably narrow things down. Compartmentalize things like I compartmentalize my life. Maybe pick one or two for every area. It sounds systematic, which is a new thing this year, but I really can't think of any other way to do it. I mean what is really the bast way to map out how you think you should be, how you want to be? It is sadly once a year that we as a human race collectively take a good long look at ourselves and decide we want to change something. We decide to do something worth while in the coming year. By worth while I mean that we want to help with relief efforts in another country, we want to read to local blind people, we want to be a Big Brother or Bog Sister, we want to go see the old lady at the end of the block who really annoys everyone but has no family, we want to help see our families more, or send everyone a birthday card this year. Neighbors decide to try to be less annoying to each other. Siblings decide to lay off each other a little (not totally) this year. I think that as long as the change is positive then it is a good resolution. We effect each other in ways that we can't ever understand, but we can try to make someone else's life that much easier. What happens when those well intentioned resolutions go by the wayside and are soon forgotten? Well, I would say that most of us at least start out strong and that means doing something at least once. Whom ever it will effect will know that you thought of them at least once. At least one of your siblings got a card on their birthday, and one may have even gotten one a little later than the birthday, but you thought of them. Of course, I can't say that ALL resolutions positively affect others, or even at all. Like the standard "I will lose 10 pounds this year". Unless you are doing this with someone else and keeping your resolution is helping them keep theirs it has no real influence past a slight hike in gym membership. And to those who are wanting to finally do things like "cut down that tree that blocks the sun into the front room", well your neighbor who probably really enjoys looking at that tree will be disappointed to see it go.

Beyond how many resolutions we may have, or how they may or may not affect someone else, I think that we should also think about what we LIKE about ourselves. We are sometimes so consumed by what did not turn out so great for us over the last year, or what we don't like about ourselves that we never acknowledge the good. Try to have at least one good thing for every bad I say. If thinking so hard about bad can bring such results I would say the method works for what I did like. Life should be balanced. Of course I would say that if you can't come up with that many good things than it is that much more incentive to keep at least on resolution so that you can put it on next years good list!

So let me share my lists with you. It will probably be long, but hey- I warned you.

Resolutions:

1) Loose weight

2) Stop drinking Soda

3) Occupy less than four jobs this calender year

4) Apply to go back to collage by Fall 2010

5) Send every family member a birthday card (on time, even though some of them will have to settle for a belated one)

6) Learn to cook at least three dishes well

7) Get out of all stupid debt, ie: all credit except for my car and school which were essentials

8) Whiten my teeth

9) See the Northern Lights in person

10) Study my scriptures on a more regular basis, and outside of church

11) Learn to play at least one song on the piano (I have one, and have started learning, but it has been slow going so far, I need a better goal)

12) Volunteer at an animal shelter at least once a month

13) Volunteer at a Woman's shelter at least once a month

14) Go to visit my two best friends who have both been away for the last year and a half on missions.

15) Keeping the line of communication open between me and the Lord through prayer, scripture study, faith, obedience, and service

16) Attend the family get together this summer.

17) Take more pictures

18) Help my Dad plant his garden this year (I won't be around to help take care of it if my job plans go well, but I want to have one of my own someday and this is a good time to learn these things. Man, the things one wishes to have paid attention to when one was younger and being forced to do these things)

19) Get my passport (that is just a good idea these days)

20) Go visit Grandma in Arizona before she croaks (that may sound insensitive, but she really wants to and is really old so I don't really feel bad)

21) Help to truly change a person's life for the better. (this is really vague, but there is no real way to map it out. I just want to be more alert to those around me I guess, and be able to recognise an opportunity when I see it)

The Good List:

1) I love all the reading I was able to do this year. Books continue to be a passion of mine, and hopefully always will be.

2) I learned that I am tougher than I think I am, and my threshold for pain is higher than originally anticipated.

3) I participated in a triathlon

4) I moved away from Jackson (this was bitter sweet since I loved it there, and will always consider the years there as some of the best in my life, but to leave was necessary and I finally was brave enough to do so)

5) I think back to all of the talks that I had with my roommate and best friend, Shalese, and I all I do is smile. Those were good times, even when it was late and I ended up not getting to work on time the next day, or when the topic was less than happy.

6) I made a resolution last year to write my two best friends on missions every week. By May it wasn't quite every week, but I continue to write on a regular basis to both, if not spaced farther apart.

7) I got to see a lot of wild life up close in my summer job.

8) I finally got Ice Skates, I have been wanting a pair since I was like five.

9) I started more than one story. I know starting is not finishing, but since it is sometimes really hard for me to get even the general idea for my stories down on paper it is a step up.

10) I had an awesome day of shopping, hiking, picture taking, eating, ice skating, and just general fantastic fun with my friends. It was one of those memorable days that one cherishes.

11) I got to me a ton of good people this summer, making friends and having fun.

12) I learned the value of a good resume'

13) I started a bucket list

14) I got my good friend Cate in the habit of writing in a journal. (journal writing is another of my passions. I think that everyone should do it. It is good for the soul)

15) I learned that I really don't like 9-5 office jobs (the process to realizing this was boring, long, and a little painful at times but now I know for future reference)

16) I got an unexpected pen pal from an unexpected place

17) I learned that there are some qualities that we should never grow out of.

18) I learned how to ATV and got to do it for about a week and a half and get paid for it!

19) I continue with my journal writing

20) I got to go to Girls Scout Camp

21) I learned that I can and should have detailed monthly charts for handling my money

22) I got to witness a triple rainbow come out while on a hike, surrounded by God's beautiful creation (I didn't take any pictures though and keep my friend didn't get a very good one, hence the "take more pictures" resolution)

23) I learned that most people are beautiful if you take the time to look, and that sometimes the biggest dis-service you can do yourself is to not take that time.