It's Official !!!!!

I am – as of two days ago – down to one job again. This does three things for me.

1. I get less money. Always sad.
2. I have more free time. I finally have time to go to Yellowstone. In all the collective years I have lived here I have never been. Yesterday I went. How sweet is that?
3. This is way better for my diet. Being surrounded by lots of really yummy ice cream twice a week was NOT beneficial in that area.

I now have lots of time to worry about working out the final logistics for moving and the mission. Yea for that.

"The Wednesday Letters" Book Review

"The Wednesday Letters" By: Jason F. Write

I really enjoyed this book. When I had initially heard about it I was told it was about siblings that find letters that their Father wrote to their Mother over the years. Quite honestly, that is the gist of the plot. But, as with every book, it was how they found them and how they dealt with the revelations in them that made all the difference.

This book has all the great attributes of a high functioning dis-functional family. There is lost loves, and sibling rivalries. There are tempers and dreams not quite reached. It starts with a marriage that lasted 39 years to only end with them dying on the same night. The weekend of their funerals thier three children find the Love letters thier Dad wrote to thier Mom every week on Wednesday. Oh the revelations found in those letters!

This would definately go under the "heart warming" catagory I think. It is not a long read, and I would say it is completely worth it.

9/11 Remembered

Today we as a nation remembered what happened to us a decade ago. We remembered the lives lost, the sacrifices given during and afterward, and the change that has subsequently come over EVERYONE since that day.

I remember I was on my way to early morning seminary. I remember that we did not learn anything that day in school. I remember being angry.

After a watching a few really inspirational and depressing memorial shows on TV in a Days Inn in St George, Utah I remembered something else... Life goes on.

My friend Jennie got married on Saturday in the St George temple. What a beautiful thing. I only got to attend the reception, but it was gorgeous and one could tell that they loved each other.

Two people start a life together, and the next day we are reminded of the horror that overtook our country. In a time when the war abroad is still being questioned I got to see the reason why we have to try so much harder to make sure that it never happens again. I am so thankful on this day for those that guard our shores against further attack. I am happy still that Bin Laden is dead. As one of the majority in this country that enjoy the beauties of freedom without actually having to fight for it myself, I appreciate those that do for me.

Mostly, I remember the pain that was caused ten years ago, and that we got through it. We continue to get through it. To thrive and continue growing from the ashes. Maybe this is the best retaliation. To show those that hate us for be us that they can not keep us down, we will stand again, we will fight, we are up for the challenge.

My friend Cate recently read a book by Jim Butcher, it was one of the Harry Dresden books, and she told me about a line in it. (*don't worry book lovers, this does not ruin any plots) Harry is learning how to do magic. He is fooling around and gets reprimanded by his teacher. I have not read it so do not know the exact phrases used, but in the process of reprimanding him he tells Harry that mediocrity is the worst fate for a person, and something to the effect of you have to choose to be exceptional. I'm sure Jim Butcher was much more inspirational about it. But it got Cate thinking, and in turn has gotten me thinking as well.

This country is full of extraordinary people. People from all walks of life, and every corner of the land. A great deal of them lost their lives ten years ago today, and more loose their lives everyday in a far away land that probably ends with -stan. They fight for our freedoms. They fight for our right to become extraordinary people and make a difference in our own way.

There is beauty in that I think.... we continue to live, to thrive, to get married, and go to school.

We continue, this is my constant tribute to those that fight, to make a difference in this world they keep free for us.

Courage

I went and saw a movie tonight. "The Help". It was a movie about courage.

Coming home from the movie I thought to myself how I need a little more of that in my life. To take those chance that I have been putting off because maybe I won't be successful, or someone won't like me.

The funny thing about this is that I have a friend - a best friend - who always comes home from movies like this one, movies that inspire and move you, and has some fantastic idea about a story she wants to write. It usually follows a similar plot line, but is fun to hear her tweak it. Most of them I think that if she ever actually put them down on her computer she would find the plot changing and becoming original. The point though is that I am usually laughing a little inside at her because of this, and here I am coming home from a movie and suddenly having the inkling to change my entire life.

Example #1:

I am LDS. It has been mentioned a few times on this blog. For those that have been living in a hole though, it is the shortened term for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. One can see why it was shortened. Our nickname in the world is "Mormons"- even if it is not really accurate. (I had the history behind that nickname explained to me once. It involved maps and an hour or explanation, so I will save you from that. I came out of it though never using the term unless I really had to.)

As a member of my church the young people have an opportunity to go out on missions and spread the good word. You may have seen them. Always in two's and three's. The men wear suites and the women wear dresses. They may have come to your door proselyting.

Unlike many of the girls I grew up with, I really had no inclination to go on a mission myself until about three years ago. I decided then that I wanted to go after all - well sometimes I wanted to go, sometimes I wanted to say "screw it" and get on with my life.

Mostly though what has been convieniantly holding me back is the debt that I managed to get myself into a couple of years into collage. I have a lot of student loans to pay back. If I am completely honest though, I have to say it was fear. I like to be good at things, and when I am not I usually find a way out of them. I am not good at cooking. I have managed to have way to many room mates who are willing to cook for me more than they probably should have. I also seem to have forgotten all of the basic stuff my mother did manage to get in my head growing up. just ask my Aunt Shari - She loves telling people about some of my attempts at cooking she has witnessed. On a mission I would not have that luxury. The luxury of just being able to leave - not not cooking. I would have to stick it out for eighteen months. I couldn't come home early, because lets be honest and say how AWKWARD that is to try to explain to people back home why you couldn't hack it for the full amount of time.

"What if I get sent to a foreign language mission and am never able to learn the language?" I am telling my self. "What am I going to do if it turns out that I am not a good enough member at the moment and the church rejects me?" I am and always maybe have been the sweet girl that most people like, but no one knows that I am LDS until I tell them. I am not an obvious member of the church. I know obvious members, and they usually annoy me. I usually find them self righteous, and in my judgement it makes me self righteous. This has not escaped me, but so far can not be helped. Even with that opinion of some of the members of the church that I love and believe in what they teach with my whole being, I still think that I would be absolutely crushed to get a "thanks, but no thanks" letter in the mail. It's like applying to collage. Instead of applying to individual universities though, it's like you apply to just go. The collage that wants you sends you a letter and a start date. You want the big packet to come in the mail. The small letter is still a bad sign.

Tonight I am thinking to myself "what if you are great? what if you can learn the language? what if the experiences and singular view point that you bring to the table are exactly the thing that someone out there that you meet needs? what if the church is just waiting on you to get your act together? What if this is something you are SUPPOSED to do and that big welcome packet is just waiting on someone's desk somewhere?

Example #2 - Writing

As it so happens, I am a writer. Growing up I had the usual childhood dreams of being a movie star, or a circus worker, or a fighter pilot. In between those dreams was always to be a writer.

I am fairly good. Not professional by any stretch of the imagination. I am better than a few, and not nearly where I need to be to be published.

I give myself excuses for not going further with that dream. I don't have time - I don't have good ideas- My attention span is really not conducive to the amount of work and focus that goes into writing a book.

There are also always those nagging questions in my mind of "what if I never write anything worth reading?" "what if I am just a laughing stock?" "what if I fail?"

All valid questions to me even now. I only have an associate degree. As much as I love books and learning, I HATED school. I have a lot to learn still about writing. I have a lot to learn still...period.

But tonight.... "what if I am great?" "what if I help to inspire someone, the way that literature sometimes can?" "what if I succeed and all of my dreams come true?"

Tonight I have a fire in my heart. I can tell myself that I am going to do these things, that I am a pansy to even think of not doing them. Tomorrow the insecurities and doubts will return. It is basic human nature to have them, I think ( the only thing I really took away from my one psyc class was how to train a baby chick in half an hour). As someone who thinks that there is a dark and a light, a good and an evil, God and Satan - those insecurities just feed his power over us.

There is freedom in choice. Fear has the power to take that choice away from us sometimes.

I suppose I enjoy my freedom too much to let this go on for much longer.

plus...

what if I succeed?

Sometimes new is just new

It amazes me sometimes how I can focus on something
new for like four hours and yet I try to do anything remotely school related and I can last MAYBE an hour.

"The Next Thing on My List" by Jill Smolinski

This book was what I like to call "a chick-flick" book. That really is the best way to describe it. I liked it alot, didn't even really put it down too much. Maybe I was just in one of my moods that supported it.

The book is about a woman named June. She is an underachiever and has no real ambitions in life. One day she gives a stranger a ride home and they end up in a major accident where the strange girl is killed. It's not her fault, but ofcourse she still feels guilty and responsible for it. To try to make it up even a little June decides to finsh the bucket list that she found in the girl's purse. 20 things to do before I'm 25. A noble cause to say the least. The book gives an account, often funny, about how she went about doing it.

I think that one of the reasons that I loved it so much was because I relate to June so well. I definately think that "classi underaciever" could be fairly stapled to my file. I even was inspired enough to make my own list. A short term bucket list if you will. 30 things to do beofre I'm 30. I'm a sucker for aliteration.

I recomend this book to women mostly. A guy miht get a kick out of it as well though.

The Man in the Moon

It is cloudy here tonight. There is no moon outside my window, looking down on me. It is comforting in a way, my moon. I am a night owl through and through, and so he accompanies me on my walks and wanderings. Tonight I find myself alone. Cate is still on her trip, and so my thoughts wander aimlessly. The walk to town square was a quiet one. The season here has yet to start, and so I am free to walk in the middle of the road (which happens to be my favorite place).

Have you ever had a time when all you wanted to do was walk for hours on end, and listen to your own thoughts? Thoughts about everything. To become reaquainted with yourself and you life; free from the noise and influence that usually encroaches itself upon you. That is my mind patturn tonight. Just me, and my thoughts, no people, no man on the moon.

With the Spring comes the Rain

The rain has come to Jackson Hole. I almost forgot about the rain here. Every spring we have a definate rainy season. A month or more of mostly rain - at least once a day. Being from the Seattle area originally, the rain usually makes me feel good, clean, and wanting to go for walks. It is May though and Winter here is just now leaving. I was ready for Summer to just jump right in. But it rains.

One thing I do love about this season is that it is the transition period from winter to summer. It's still chilly out but not enough to keep me inside all day. The lakes are all slowly unfreezing, which makes me want to go swimming (even if they are almost too cold to swim in even in the summer).

I still want to go for walks and breath in that fresh mountain air. Nature just seems so much more inviting in the rain... no idea why. I really don't know why, but a hike in the rain is one of my favorite things to do.

Osama bin Laden DEAD!!!

It was announced last night that a small team from the US military has caught and killed Osama bin Laden.





I was at work when this was announced last night. I may have mentioned this before, but I work at the front desk of a hotel in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. At the moment it is super dead, we have over 150 rooms to rent and last night we had people in 10. The hotel bar is basically in the lobby, and last night it was empty. Then the president got on TV and made his announcement. Every single solitary guest came down to the bar not ten minutes after he was done talking. Shots were given out, kids were getting chocolate milk shakes at 10pm. They were disappointed when our employees wouldn't let them buy us any shots. The rejoicing was immediate, spontaneous, and infectious. They were not alone in the sentiment. ...









There were many images of people singing "God Bless America" all over the news. Hopefully not all of them were as bad as the one above.



For at least a night the nation was united again. People from every corner got together and celebrated.

As for me.... not gonna lie, I immediately was sooo excited for this victory. I realize that this war on terror has been gong on for almost ten years now, but for some reason this feels like the first thing that has happened that was not a senseless act of death and destruction. I support our troops, and understand the sacrifices they are giving to help keep our shores free. I also feel with all my heart that with out our troops abroad that our country would have been a different place after 9/11. Some how though, that does not negate the feeling that young men are going to a strange land and never coming back, or the images of the bombings and of kids walking around covered in blood.

Last night though, that was a sweet justice. The celebrators, at least in this country, were thinking of one thing - September 11th, 2001. They were thinking about how we finally got the justice we deserved for that heinous act on our citizenry. I remember writing in my journal about how much anger I felt that day. I agreed 100% with Bush that we should go and find the people that did this to us. I felt relief last night. Relief because in a way I suppose I see it as a step in the right direction to end this war. There are men to take his place or course, apparently one of them is even his son. It felt good though, to have the one that planned the attack gone from this earth. My sister-in-law pointed out how cool it would be to be able to watch that judgment as he passed to the other side. I would have to agree.

It is with pride though that I point out that seemingly small group of people that are not celebrating Bin Laden's death with the rest of us. I really only do this, because a little while after Obama spoke I was online and my best friend got on as well and we were talking about it. She happens to be in that minority. They have some good points, moral points, points that make me feel a little ashamed of myself. He was evil, but he was a child of God. One more for Satan's army - what's to celebrate there? A life is a life, no matter how terrible he was. We should have waited at least for a trial of his crimes (I pointed out on this one what a kangaroo court that would be). I understand their points, I even agree with them (well not the trial one). I, however, am not a perfect person. Not even a little bit. So, if I had not been working when it was announced, I probably would have hit town square and joined in on the festivities.

Osama bin Laden is DEAD.

God bless America.

The Grand Discovery of PHOTO BOOTH!!!

So, I currently have my friend Cate's MAC computer while she is otherwise disposed so that I can help her with some work that needs to be kept up. Now, I have a PC myself, always have. Other than the few times that I have used her internet I am pretty sure that I have not used a MAC since like middle school. That was about 11 to 13 years ago.

Anyway, I was working and I noticed the photo booth icon at on the bar at the bottom of her screen. I had heard of it, but never played with it myself. These pictures are some of the results. Let us all just remember that I am weird.




This is me in my true alien form.
















This would be the result if I were to show you my second tongue. Cute right?
















Cyclops Tami.













Slightly creepy, and yet has an eerie beauty to it.















I just like how this one turned out.














This is what I would apparently look like if I randomly had a sketch artist sketch me and I was happy.














Ofcourse, there is always the possibility that I will be afraid of the sketch artist, so I guess this would be the result of that. Or maybe I am about to melt like that guy on Indiana Jones.