Potentials

I have been thinking of the mere existence of potential quite a bit the last few days.

It all started on Sunday. I went to church, something that is happening with more frequency and willingness in the last few weeks, and during Sacrament meeting (it's the equivallant to mass for all the non-Mormons that may stumble upon this page) and I was taking the sacrament (it's like communion - minus the wine) when I started to think about Christ. Now just in case you happen to be reading this and are not a christian... I think it will still be interesting... just bear with me.

So, the entire purpose to taking the sacrament is to remember Christ and his sacrifice to the world. Admittedly, I am generally not very good at this task. I can be seen doing everything from writing in my journal about something unrelated to staring at one of the babies that sits in front of me to entertain myself.

I, for once, was able to focus on the task at hand though. Christ and the infinite atonement that allows us to return to our Heavenly Father. I just kept thinking of all the doors that are opened up to us because of this sacrifice.

(Here is where we lapse into the gospel according to Tami and should never be taken as official LDS doctrine):

Because of this sacrifice, we are lifted from the previously insurmountable task of actually paying in full for every sin we make. All those pesky sacrifices and laws that quite frankly would have gotten very old, very quickly.

I, for one, am not quite able to imagine a world where we were bound by such things.

I also see a world limited. Thinking about it now, and most likely this is just a window into where I currently am mentally, I can not even describe how we would be limited. It is more a feeling of dread to be living under such drastic and intense rule.

it is as though this sacrifice not only opened the heavens to us, but the Earth as well. I wonder if we would still have the same cultures and divisions as we do now. Would we have the opportunities that we do now.

The world as a hole was given a second chance to become what they wished to be.. the best of what they could, would, and should be.

(Here is where any non-Christians can jump on... I promise no more talk of Christ)



POTENTIAL

No matter where you may believe we get it, or acquire it, or find it inside of ourselves - there is always that fact that we are never fully living up to it.

We can always be more, see more, love more, do more, experience more.

In my day of thinking of this I came up with an EXTREMELY LONG list of things I should be doing, that I am not. It was really kind of sad. My list of things that I already doing was pretty much narrowed down to two things: 1.I am a nice/good person 95% of the time and 2: I keep a journal.

There is so much more to this life. A continuance of learning and growth that helps us to achieve that height that we all want to be at.

The task of goal setting seemed the most appropriate sort of way to help myself achieve this potential I seek so wantonly after. The fact that I have yet to actually finish any goal ever has yet to really become important. The point is to change and become better. Maybe my penchant for falling off the wagon will change in the process.

Black Jack - Me Against the Dealer

(This is Linn. She taught me everything I know.)

So, as the good little Mormon girl that I was raised to be, I was not really ever exposed to gambling. The church itself frowns on anything having to do with gambling, even to the extent of not taking tithes from your winnings. This definitely limited my exposure to gambling to mostly things like Oreo cookies and SweetTarts. I have accidentally won the $50 pot playing some Texas Hold'em with the cowboys working at the first Guest Ranch I worked at. It was pretty much a fluke, as I had no idea what I was doing really, and none of them talked to me for a couple days. Needless to say, I was no longer welcome to play in their tournaments  I was welcome to watch though... someone had to heckle and keep the mood light. Looking back I have to say that the only reason I won was because no one noticed I was winning until the last few hands. I also think I was a better liar back then.

My relatively sheltered existence has been opened up yet again, and it was opened up to the game of blackjack. My fun loving GM here at Rancho de los Caballeros had a left over beer keg.. most likely from a group... that was going bad. What does one do when you have a bunch of beer you need to get rid of? You set up a casino night for your employees of course!

What is casino night, you ask?

My GM found a company that would come and set up tables and teach everyone how to play these games. We had blackjack, craps, Texas  hold'em, and roulette. My friends and I were pretty much accidentally smart enough to go directly to the black jack table.

Where Linn was waiting.

Linn taught all us new comers how to play this awesome game! Basically, It is you against the dealer and despite my youthful games of "21" the point is not always to get to 21. I learned about bust cards and that you should usually only split your hand for A's and 8's. I learned about doubling down, but never really got any real money out of doing it. I stood at that table for 2 hours straight. I have seen all of the gambling shows that show people staying at a table for an entire day, and I finally understand how that can happen.

I did briefly try my hand at roulette.... oh how I failed with a flourish at that. I was there for a total of probably five minutes and lost almost a thousand dollars. I moved back to my new favorite game for the last twenty minutes of the night and won most of it back.

You lost a thousand dollars?!?!

The best part of this evening was that none of it was real money.

We started out with a thousand dollars in chips and were supposed to go from there. The point to this other than playing and having fun was that we could "buy" some of the swag that we sell at our gift shop. I now have yet another water bottle, and traveling coffee cup, and T-shirt, and bandanna. All of which have the company logo on them.

I have to admit though... I probably won't be trying to win my yearly rent money in Vegas anytime soon.

"The Lost Night" By: Jayne Castle

"The Lost Night" by Jayne Castle, who also writes under the names Jayne Anne Krentz and Amanda Quick, was great. It was fun, suspenseful, and original. 

This is a futuristic, romantic, suspenseful, and paranormal novel. I loved every minute of it. She makes brief mention of ancient Earth and the things and traditions that made it over to the new planet. I like that this book is futuristic and in its own right even a bit sci-fi, but without all of the spaceships and the like. The story flows very well, and leaves me excited for the rest in this particular series. 

Here is the official synopsis from her website:

"Even the mysterious world of Harmony has people who don’t quite fit in. They’re drawn to places like Rainshadow Island, a beautiful sanctuary where anyone can feel safe—and where secrets are closely guarded...

Schooled in an exotic form of martial arts, and with the ability to detect the auras of dangerous psychic criminals, Rachel Bonner and her dust bunny companion have found peace and quiet on Rainshadow Island, operating a bookstore and café.

But her tranquil new life is thrown into chaos when Harry Sebastian, the descendant of a notorious pirate, arrives to investigate strange developments in the privately owned woods known as the Preserve.

Immediately drawn to the amber-eyed woman, Harry must tread carefully. While Rachel’s special talents can help him track down dangerous rogues who have violated the Preserve, they can also sense the heart of darkness within him. But desire can weaken the strongest of defenses—and leave even the strongest man wanting more..."

I would definitely recommend this book. It's not exactly epic literature, but I enjoyed it.

"Moonfall" By: Tamara Thorne

Unfortunately, every roommate I have ever had during that most lovely month of October can attest to the fact that I commence complaining about the lack of good Halloween books for me to indulge in. 

Well, in this last week in January, I have finally found a really great Halloween book. 

Moonfall by: Tamara Thorne

Here is the official synopsis from her website:

"Moonfall, the picturesque community nestled in the mountains of Southern California, in a quaint hamlet of antique stores and craft shops run by the dedicated nuns of St. Gertrude's Home for girls. as autumn fills the air, the townspeople prepare for the festive Halloween Haunt, Moonfall's most popular tourist attraction. Even a series of unsolved deaths over the years hasn't dimmed Moonfall's renown. Maybe because anyone who knew anything about them has disappeared.

Now, Sara Hawthorne returns to her hometown... and enter the hallowed halls of St. Gertrude's where, twelve years before, another woman died a horrible death. In Sara's old room, distant voices echo in the dark and tormented cries of children shatter the moon-kissed night

But that's just the beginning. For Sara Hawthorne is about to uncover St. Gertrude's hellish secret... a secret she'll carry with her to the grave.."

But

I LOVED this book! I could literally barely put the book down long enough to eat or sleep or go to work for two days. Tamara Thorne is such a talented story teller. She has a talent for moving the story along without adding unnecessary violence or action. I loved the background that she sets the story up with. 

What the synopsis does not mention is the other main character, John, who you actually start the story with. You get to witness the tragedy of his brother's death, and the subsequent loss of friends and family soon after. I would almost say that it is more his story that Sara's. 

Another thing that I really live is how Thorne so seamlessly interweaves the Occult with Christianity, without actually going into too many details for either. 

She had me on the edge of my seat, loving how things were playing out on the page. 

I would definitely recommend this book, with exceptions.

This is in the HORROR genre. I know more than a few people who can not take it, even if they say they can *cough*Cate*cough*.  

I for one, will be buying more of her books, though I may keep them til Halloween. 

Vulture Mine Adventure

I have moved to the middle of nowhere. In the desert. This sometimes feels like there is nothing at all to do. I have to sometimes remind myself that this is not the case...well not completely at least.

I suppose this is as good a time as any to update you on some of my more recent adventures.

About a month ago my new friend Darrian and I made the trip (about 7 miles up the road, because again we live in the middle of nowhere) to take the tour of the old Vulture Mine. 

This mine was founded by a man named Henry Wickenburg in 1863. He knew where to dig for the gold because he could literally see it on top of one of the hills. It was dubbed "Vulture Mine" because the vultures would hover  above in the air on the air currents or something that the gold would put off.

This mine became the most productive gold mine in Arizona's history. It produced 340,000 ounces of gold and 260,000 ounces of silver.

The mine spawned the town and the city of Pheonix, who was originally settled to open the canals left behind by Native Americans so people could create resources for the Vulture Mine and the town around it.

The town turned into a boom town. As a result this place LOVES Henry Wickenburg. There is a parade, and a day all dedicated to the man. The mine itself closed in 1942 to put more resources toward the war effort, but by that point the town had dubbed itself the Dude Ranch capital. There used to be like ten out here. I now work on one of the only two that are still open.

Here are a few pictures from the tour. We did not get to go into any actual mine shafts - which was highly disappointing, let me tell you.

I forgot what this does, but here is some random old equipment for your viewing pleasure.

above is the "Crusher" which crushed big chunks of rock into smaller chunks... apparently it has also taken a few hands in its time.

This used to be the stables. They kept most of the support animals off site unless they needed them.

Some cool old jars

Some one forgot to do the dishes

Here are a couple shots of what is left of Henry Wickenburg's original house. Below is a close up of one of the many gun ports he had so that he could easily shoot people trying to steal his gold.

There wasn't really a jail system here yet when the mine first started, so there was a bit of cowboy justice had here. This is the hanging tree. Steal gold, manage to not get shot on site but not get away either and you would most likely end up here. Tough luck.

If you notice below, this is the hanging tree, and that is Wickenburg's house directly behind it.
Location, Location, Location!

These are random bathtubs that are just sitting there. Darrian actually had a mini photo shoot with them. There were a couple women who stuck around with us as we waited for the group to pass us before we had said photo shoot. They were trying to figure out what all the interest in these tubs was.

This is me in an ore cart.

Some old stuff they had on display at the main house

The gas station

Me in an old fire truck

This is Darrian and I !!!

Someone Much Wiser than I Once Said...

"For if that what you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without."

- excerpt from "The Charge of the Goddess"

I have recently been reading a book about the basics of the religion of Wicca. No, this does not mean that I am an aspiring witch. I am just an aspiring writer doing background info on a character. It turns out that this is actually a very fascinating religion. I am getting through it fairly quickly considering it reads like a text book. 

This line from the charge though kind of stuck a cord with me. 

How many times in life have you sat on your butt waiting for someone or something else to give you a kick start. To suddenly start making things happen for you?   

I think there is a lot of truth in this line. Everything that we need is in us. Sometimes, I think we suppress that inherent courage, love, whatever. We have to find it. I think that others can hep us find it... but really we have to see it in ourselves. 

This was a little bit of unexpected wisdom from an unexpected source. 

Another November Coming Right Up!

As per usual, I will be loosely participating in the annual NaNoWriMo this November. I say loosely, because I am a lone participant. It is actually very social - which I have no idea how these people actually win the freaking thing - but I am yet again not going to be going to ANY MEET UPS AT ALL. If a fellow NaNoer were ever to read this blog post, which let's be honest is very unlikely, they would probably tell me that I should make more of an effort to attend at least one meet-up. My response would be ... I would love to. Unfortunately, I have managed to once again isolate myself in no where Arizona without a car. I'm not really sure what goes through my head when I accept these jobs, but somehow it never occurs to me that I do in fact really hate small towns. Jackson, Wyoming has officially spoiled me in that respect. It was a small town with all the charm and beauty, but it had a distinct city feel. There was stuff to do outside of going to bars. There was culture and awesome food, and ready hiking. 

As I have no plans to rejoin those who have fallen into the Hole, I am now on a search for somewhere that will inspire me, enfold me, and love me as much as Jackson did but without all the nasty surprise downsides. 

I have not been successful so far. 

To distract myself from this for the time being I will be whole heartily throwing myself into all that is NaNoWriMo. I have exactly one week from today to come up with a plot line. You would think that I would have no problem with this. I generally have two or three stories repeating in my head until I write them down. The problem with them is that I either really don't like them or they are almost embarrassing in how stereotypical and/or predictable they are. 

This presents a major problem. 

One week to come up with genius?

I want this to be epic. I want children to study my story in schools when I die. 

I want movies to be made from my stories while I live so that I can enjoy the profits.

One week...

I could outline until I come up with something, but as that particular exercise has always felt entirely too much like school work I never get too far in it. 

Basically, my plan so far consists of buying a random magazine, opening to a random page, and writing about what ever picture I turn to. 

Admittedly, it is not a particularly traditional approach. 

Fortunately for me, I do not thrive on tradition.

Orion

I am in a new place, yet again. I have found my way back to the Arizona desert for the winter. I work on a resort ranch, where members and guests get to choose between horse back riding and golfing every day. 

One of the perks to how I live, and where I currently am is that I have many opportunities to just sit back and enjoy the moment. To genuinely have no worries. 

Last night was one such night. 

A few of my co-workers and I went to the cookout area that the ranch uses. It's only about half a mile out in the desert, but there are chairs and firewood out there so it suits us well. 

My night was filled with good conversation, the desert night air, the stars above my head, and a crackling fire next to me - keeping me warm. 

My nose is still filled with the smell of camp fire, alcohol, and tobacco. 

The theme song of the night seemed to be "Mamma's don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys" but there is something relaxing about listening to some real classic country and rock that I can not seem to put my finger on. 

I was reminded that sometimes you need to take the time to dance under the stars, even if you are not particularly skilled at it. 

There was one point in the evening that I was sitting back with my feet up on a chair and looking up at the stars when I had a flood of memories. You see I was out there for like five hours, so the stars were visibly progressing. I watched Orion rise from the horizon and make his way up the sky. 

Orion, the great hunter. I started to remember all of the places I have looked up at the sky to see Orion staring down at me. 

Camping as a Girl Scout when I was much younger, the roof of the astronomy tower in college, swinging on the elementary school swings my first season in Jackson and watching the hunter move across the sky while I listened to Keith Urban on a disc man. I've watched him night hiking in the Tetons, night white water rafting and tubing on the snake river, walking through the town of Jackson in the wee hours of the morning to experience the fresh snowfall before it got annoying. Skinny dipping in Idaho, even sitting in a lawn chair in on a different ranch as one of the wranglers strummed old country songs on a guitar. 

Orion is the second most well known constellation in the northern skies, and without knowing it he has become a point of reference for me. I have done many things under the stars, and this great hunter, who turned out to not be all that great according to his myths, has witnessed a good amount of them. 

"The School Of Essential Ingredients" by: Erica Bauermeister

"The School of Essential Ingredients" by: Erica Bauermeister was a breath of fresh air. It was first recommended to me by my mother. Her book club had read it and loved it, and then my best friend actually ended up borrowing my copy before I read it and also loved it. So needless to say it had been on the list of books to read for a while. 

I finally picked it up actually about a month ago. Having now finished the book I can now tell you that the best way to read this book is to never rush it. I read it a chapter or two at a time myself. Relishing the world that I was invited into. 

This perfectly lovely book is about life and learning to love yourself and the wonderful people that come into our lives. It is centered around a cooking class. In the process though we get a little snap shot into each person's personal story. We get a glimpse into their hearts and dreams. 

This is a book that you read outside in the shade on a warm sunny day.. not a hot day... or in a comfy chair on a drizzly day. 

This book was unique for me. i took my time with it. I read many other books in between its chapters. I enjoyed these easy glimpses into lives that are so normal. I felt like this all could be happening to people in the restaurant across the street. 

I recommend this book to adults. I loved it and will be giving it to a few friends. 

11 Day Book Challenge

Well, I have been in New England for the entire summer now, and it is time to go. Not that I didn't have fun selling arguably crappy footwear. One must know when the tide is changing though, and mine is changing quickly. 

With another move I am yet again going through everything that I own and deciding if I do actually still wish to own it. I have accumulated mostly clothing and books. The clothing doesn't matter though, because I have already filled one garbage bag full of clothes and shoes to donate to good will. 

The books are another matter all together however. 

You see my problem is that I buy them exponentially faster than I read them. I happen to be a pretty fast reader, so you can imagine how many books I have. I go through times when I have no inclination to read as well. My major problem however would be that I have iBooks on my iTouch and have found more than a few free books that have captured my attention and have taken me away from the ever growing pile of actual books. 

It is times like this that I wish I had a car. Then the weight of my bags would not matter. I am flying out to Phoenix on the 29th. I can fit everything I own in my luggage, but not under the weight. So my master plan is to ship my parents, who currently have a corner of the garage dedicated to my stuff that is mostly books, a box of the books that I have already read. When I went to gather all of them up though, I realized that I had only read six actual, physical, real books. This does not help with the weight issue all that much. 

So in an attempt to boost these numbers I am issuing myself a challenge. 

The Challenge: Read one book for the next ELEVEN days

Admittedly I am choosing books that are mostly small. I did put in one big book in the mix to be read on the only day off work I will most likely have between now and then. 

The Chosen Few: 

1. "The Time Machine" by H.G. Wells

2. "The Old Man and the Sea" by Ernest Hemingway

3. "The Invisible Man" by H.G. Wells

4. "The School of Essential Ingredients" by Erica Bauermeister

5. "The War of the Worlds" by H.G. Wells

6. "The Silent Sea" by Clive Cussler

7. "In a Witch's Wardrobe" by Juliet Blackwell

8. "Finding the Angel Within" by Pamela H. Hansen

9. "Paper Towns" by John Green

10. "Why God Lets Us Choose" by Stephen D. Nadauld

11. "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis

I am pretty confident that I can achieve this. It will be  a lot of reading all at once, but I think that only taking thirty or so books to Arizona is better than taking forty or so. 

Wish me luck!!! 

And keep an eye out for all of the reviews.